


Through the Pain

by Brishke



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, F/M, Gen, Pain, Rayla and Callum need hugs, Rayla-centric (The Dragon Prince), Self-Hatred, Torture, ttm spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brishke/pseuds/Brishke
Summary: !!!CONTAINS TTM SPOILERS!!!After Rayla leaves Callum, she goes in search of Viren.Alone.But the journey is not going as well as planned, and in order to do everything right and protect the people dear to her heart, Rayla will have to fight the most formidable opponents, and one of them is herself
Relationships: Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Claudia & Rayla (The Dragon Prince), Lain & Rayla & Tiadrin (The Dragon Prince), Rayla & Runaan (The Dragon Prince), Rayla & Viren (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !!!TTM SPOILERS!!!

"Dear Callum-"

No, too formal.

"Callum-"

Too simple and lifeless.

"My heart"

A bit silly, but it really described how she felt.

"My heart, forgive me.

I cannot take you with me and put you in even greater danger than I do now.

I must do it. Alone. This is my duty and I'm obliged to fulfill it, whether I like it or not. We'll meet again. I love you. And Happy Birthday.

Rayla"

She was never good at words, in relationships, or anything else, and her whole being screamed to stop, but there was no turning back.

She deceived him, made him believe that everything was in order, when in fact everything went to hell.

Too many emotions.

Too many nightmares.

She left the letter on the table with trembling fingers and kissed his hair before leaving.

"White lies are illusions that you build with your words to protect the hearts of those you love" - her voice was trembling and hoarse, and her eyes filled with tears in just a second. But she restrained herself and continued - "I'm sorry. You can't come with me."

She tore herself away from him through force, without turning around, threw the hood over her head, and quickly slipped out of the house.

Lightning sharply opened the dark sky, but Rayla didn't even flinch. Black clouds swirled above her head, striving to close the moon, but Rayla stubbornly walked forward. When the first drops of rain fell on the cloak, she fell from her step and, on the way, assuming her invisible form, evaporated behind the branches of trees.

_ It's time to finish what we started. _

***

For the first time, she made a halt closer to dawn, somewhere in the forest not so far away from the Cursed Caldera, hidden from prying eyes. Her lunar form made it possible to run faster and longer without attracting any attention at all. Even so, she still needed rest.

Rayla crouched at the roots of a huge oak tree, allowing herself to catch her breath.

The rain finally ended and the sun lazily brightened the land. Rayla, like a cat, squinted in the sun.

_ Callum will wake up in a couple of hours, find my letter and... _

Rayla shook her head, driving her thoughts away. But they, like annoying flies, appeared again and again in her head.

Did she do the right thing?

She really didn't have a choice, did she?

How badly does she hurt Callum with this?

And where to find Viren?

No, she can't keep going like that, she had to do at least something, otherwise, she won't last so long. Without even having breakfast, Rayla jumped up the tree again, continuing on her way.

_ Viren is the only thing that should worry me now. _

This wasn't the first time she had deceived herself.

***

She continued to run almost without interruption for the next three days. When she tried to sleep, thoughts like worms ate her head, and all she had to do was run, move, do at least something. She hated it all, hated Viren, hated the whole situation, hated her own decisions, hated herself-

She stopped for a halt when there was simply no strength to run. The lungs were burning, the legs were shaking with fatigue, and there were no thoughts left in her head.

_ That's good. _

Rayla took a deep breath and figured that at such a pace she would be able to reach the port town very soon and, bypassing the hated sea, would immediately get to the border with Xadia ... through the woods near Silvergrove ...

Rayla sighed again, wrapping herself tighter in her cloak, continuing to visualize her way to the Spire.

_ Viren was there the last time, and that's where I'll start. _

The ground was wet and cold with rain, so Rayla used her last strength to climb a wide branch of the tree. She sat up and hugged her knees, feeling a sudden tremor all over her body.

But this time it wasn't fatigue.

She fought back a sob as hard as she could and buried her face in her knees.

Rayla really didn't want to leave Callum alone, didn't want to be a traitor again, who only does what runs away from everything, but this time it was not like that. On the contrary, she fled to meet the danger, leaving everyone behind. She didn't care if she got hurt or if she died.

But Rayla couldn't risk Callum that way.

Everyone who was ever dear to her died, disappeared, or turned away from her. She is cursed, she knows it for sure, and she was destined to spend her whole life alone. And by breaking bridges, he can at least stay alive. At the same time, Rayla preferred not to think how much it hurt both of them.

Callum literally jumped from the rooftop after her, used the black magic that he hated so much, damn it, even went through the portal, and pulled her out of the clutches of death.

He is ready to give his life for her, and she simply cannot allow it. The very thought that he values and loves her so much like no one else in this world that he is ready to die for her... frightened.

She is afraid for him.

She can't lose him.

Even if it means that you need to get away from him.

A lump rose in her throat, and her eyes stung from tears. Rayla buried her face even more in her knees, gasping for breath from silent crying and pulling her hood over her head.

If she's doing everything right, then why is it so painful in her chest?

***

Rayla fled.

"Are you really so relaxed from life in the castle and weaned from the forest and wildlife?"

An alien voice rang insistently in her head. Rayla gritted her teeth and quickened her pace.

"Are you even still MoonShadow elf?"

_ No, no, no, I shouldn't be distracted- _

"All you do is let everyone down."

_ No, Callum said it wasn't my fault- _

"Before you left him behind too."

The voice in her head stopped sounding like her own. It was a stranger, angry and from some side still familiar. Rayla ran, trying to hide from it, but it pursued her and shouted as if from within her.

"Running away again? You haven't changed a bit, Little Blade."

Rayla ran into the clearing and crashed into something. More precisely, in someone. She fell back on the ground, swearing under her breath, and finally looked up. The figure was tall, with its back turned to her. She turned around and Rayla squeaked.

Runaan stood before her.

"And how much longer will you run away?" - his face was cold and lifeless, he looked at her not even with reproach, but with hatred. It was his voice that sounded then in her head. Meanwhile, the elf took out his bow.

"You're pathetic. Weak. Just a disappointment." With every word he said, he pulled the string tighter and tighter. This has already happened and then in Katolis she fought with enthusiasm with him. Now she suddenly realized sharply that the battle was only child's play and that this time he was mortally serious.

"You left your team to die. You left  _ me _ to die, betrayed our entire family for the sake of some people and an imaginary world? You are trash" - the words wounded her to the core, and in fact, in some ways, he was even right, and in the meantime, Runaan continued aiming at her.

"I had no choice, please, Runaan, please listen at least once!" - Rayla cried desperately with tears in her eyes. She couldn't dodge, fight back, damn it, she couldn't even get up or budge.

"No" - Rayla's eyes widened from the realization of her position and she screamed in horror:

"Don't, dad!"

The sound of the arrow being fired was soft but sharp at the same time.

The cry, full of pain and suffering, was loud and chills.

The arrow entered the right shoulder, the sharp tip dug into the flesh like a predator into prey, severing the shoulder pad and skin, burrowing deeper. The slightest movement, every breath brought pain and agony, she felt a sharp iron move inside her, tearing the muscles.

_ Ithurtsithurtswhyisithurtssomuch _

Rayla touched the wound with a trembling hand, barely seeing an arrow sticking out of her behind a veil of red pain. She sighed intermittently, sobbing in pain and betrayal from Runaan. Was that honest? Does he really think so of her? Will everything be like this now?

_ Did I deserve this? _

"Yes, deserved" - the figure of Runaan split into two others, who spoke at the same time. In a second, the familiar horns, hair, shiny Dragonguard uniforms...

"Mom… Dad…" - Rayla barely squeezed out of herself. She hadn't seen them for so long, but they seemed to remain the same as in her memory.

Except, did they always have the same hating looks?

They approached her from both sides, and Rayla felt fear next to them for the first time. They were always her distant, but beloved defenders, people whose letters always supported her, telling her not to give up and always stand for what you believe in. As a child, when she was little by their side, she always felt that nothing in this world could harm her.

Now they were approaching her and Rayla's only desire was to run and hide where far away.

"The humans killed the Dragon King, stole his egg, killed the two of us, are you still loyal to them?" - Lain tilted his head to the side in question, though his eyes showed complete indifference to her.

"They are not all like that. They are different. I have already killed that magician who... killed you and if necessary, I will do it again!" - She clenched a fist of her left hand, sticking on her elbows and immediately fell back from the corroding pain in her right shoulder.

"You can not. You may take him with you, but you will never do anything right. You are always afraid and doubtful. You can never get stronger. Your bond with a human only makes you weaker." - Tiadrin's cold voice sounded as she pulled her sword from behind her.

"H-how to get stronger..?" - Rayla looked at them hopefully, her eyes begging not to touch her, but they were adamant.

"Break the bounds" - Tiadrin said calmly, taking out her lasso sword. With a slight movement of her hand, she unrolled it and patted Rayla on the stomach.

"MOM!" - Rayla screamed in a voice that wasn’t her own, feeling the searing pain from the sharp ends that no doubt ripped open her stomach. When she tried to cover herself with her right hand, Lain used his spear to pin the limb to the ground, piercing the small palm through.

"No, no, no, dad, mom please, ah, n-no stop, ENOUGH-" - Rayla gasped in a sob, begging them to stay. But they did not hear anything, did not listen, continuing to beat her.

_ Communication is just a weakness _

_ It will destroy me, or those who are dear to me _

...

...

...

_ Anyway, there are no people left who care about me _

Rayla felt at least two more blows when suddenly they stopped and again began to merge into one entity.

Rayla cried and shivered with unbearable pain, out of the corner of her eye noticing that her stomach had turned into a bloody mess, and her right hand refused to move at all. She lay on her back and peered into the dark gray sky, trying to breathe convulsively and estimate how long it will take her to bleed.

In the meantime, the figure began to acquire the features so familiar to her. Rayla forcefully looked up.

"Callum…" - Her voice was cut off by a scream, but she couldn't help but try to talk to him.

"Why are you like that?" - he looked at her… with disappointment and some kind of resentment.

"C-Callum ... Callum I'm sorry-"

"Your "sorry" will not return me either my father or my normal life. Your "sorry" is worth nothing. You lie, run away and only hurt the hardest. I'm sorry that I even met you!" - something inside Rayla snapped. Callum was right. He always said that she did the right thing, that her heroism saved them... but that was a lie. At least she became her after she left him.

"Now it's clear why your people turned their backs on you. And you know, they were right. I should have done it even earlier, but better late than never, right?" - He grinned and reached into his pocket. The familiar snake bracelet flashed and Rayla gasped.

"Callum, what are you doing?! This is dark magic! Callum, it's not worth it!" - she was scared, but not for herself, but for the guy who, after using dark magic for the second time, would definitely fall into darkness, or, like the first time, would almost die. Or not almost...

"It's totally worth it. Reh dnib leets gnirehtils!" - The bracelet turned into a snake and quickly crawled towards the elf. Rayla screamed and, despite the pain, tried to crawl back as far as possible. True, she could not do this - the snake was faster, and at first deftly wrapped her legs around her, and then quickly crawled up her body. Rayla didn't even have time to scream again when the snake wrapped tightly around her neck. The girl tried to loosen her grip and breathe in at least a little oxygen, but the snake only squeezed her neck tighter. Tears quickly ran down her cheeks and Rayla wheezed, trying to call Callum, but he didn't listen. He grinned once more before his eyes turned completely black and the skin on his face cracked, revealing someone else's face. Callum's whole figure changed and after a moment he turned into Viren.

Rayla's consciousness began to drift away and the last thing she heard was:

"You won't save anyone…"

***

Rayla woke up screaming.

Losing her balance, she collapsed onto solid ground, crushing her nose and hands. She often swallowed air, trying to recover. She quickly touched the wounds with her hands, but her clothes and skin were intact, and not a trace of pain remained. All that hurt was just a broken nose and bleeding palms.

And everything inside

Rayla clutched her head, trying to forget it, like a bad dream, but everything was repeated over and over again.

Runaan

Tiadrin and Lain

Callum

And the damn Viren

Their actions, their words, their views...

_ Do they really think so of me? _

It wasn't fair. It was dishonest, it hurt and hurt to tears, but the worst thing is that deep down she knew that they were right about something. That all this is her fault and her responsibility, and that she is alone, and no one will come and help.

Resentment, anger, despair - everything mixed inside her with a combustible mixture. Rayla clenched her fists to a crunch, feeling the corrosive pain in her chest that she couldn’t drown out. Everything inside was burning, exploding, making it difficult to breathe... She simply could not cope with it herself. She should, but she is weak, she did not know how to control emotions like the rest of the Moonshadow elves. Rayla had kept it to herself for too long and only now realized that she had reached this very point of no return. 

She jumped to her feet and turned her fist into a tree. Then again and again, hearing the crunch of the bark and its bones. She beat with all her might, putting all her hatred into each blow, trying to drown out her soul with physical pain. Rayla screamed desperately until her throat began to ache, and beat until her palms turned into a bloody mess. Hands trembled with fatigue and pain, and the skin on the phalanges and knuckles was completely scratched. She sank to the ground and sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself and curling up into a ball on the cold ground.

It still hurts.

It's still lonely.

She's so tired.

Tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of being a hero, and disappointment.

Tired of just being.

Over time, her cry turned into quiet, broken sobs. She drew her legs to her and wrapped herself in a cloak, trying to hide from the world. The mind was too tired from such emotional turmoil, and the body could no longer move from weekly tiredness and just received injuries.

Rayla had forgotten herself in a restless sleep on the cold ground, knowing only that she's all on her own now.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day met her with aching pain all over her body, hinting that it was time to slow down at least a little. Rayla had no choice but to continue on his way.

After all, she was smart enough to understand that she couldn't go on like this.

_ If I keep breaking down, I will not be enough before meeting Viren. And I need to be in the best shape for it _

At a leisurely pace, in two more days she approached the port city.

The girl sighed heavily, stepping over the root of the tree. A good warrior knows their’s limits and Rayla, after The battle of the Storm Spire, clearly saw hers and not only. Viren was strong enough to single-handedly defeat her parents who were, for a moment, part of the elite Dragonguard.

_ So 'elite' that almost everyone fled from it with their tails between their legs -  _ Rayla thought sarcastically as she pushed the branch away from her face. As much as she would not like, but it was necessary to first develop a plan before climbing on such an enemy.

_And for that, it was very smart to go myself_ \- She added with equal sarcasm and stopped abruptly.

No.

She should still focus.

_I did it period. I can't think so much about it. As much as it hurts me, this is the right decision_ \- She stubbornly walked forward again, not letting her thoughts take over.

_Even if it hurts Callum?_ \- Rayla breathed frequently and closed her eyes with all her might. She began to quickly clench and unclench her fists, feeling a sharp and sobering pain in her still unhealed hands. It helped a little to recover.

_If he stays alive in the end, yes_ \- She walked out onto the cliff to meet the setting sun. The sky turned a fiery red, spilling its rays onto the sea ahead. Rayla gazed into the endless distance, forgetting for a second about all her problems and worries. As much as she hated water, the view was truly impressive. Rayla smiled with the corner of her lips for the first time in a week.

_ We were here when we returned Zym home. Callum even suggested going around the sea to make me more comfortable... _

Rayla pursed her lips and wrapped her arms around herself. Now she’s alone, and instead of dawn, she meets the sunset. The elf sighed once more and continued on her way. It was still necessary to figure out how to safely swim across the sea.

***

Darkness filled the streets, which were not even properly lit. The cold sea air crashed against cobblestones and stone. Ships with low sails stood silent ghosts. Only one place was in full swing at this late hour - a pub. There, between the drunken sailors and the townspeople in the farthest corner sat a lone figure in a fancy cloak. Even stranger was the fact that there was absolutely nothing on the table - no food, no drink. The figure or more simply Rayla had only one goal - to find Viland. It was stupid and inconvenient to do it in such a sophisticated way, but there were no other options - the blind captain was the only one who could transport her across the sea and still not thrust a rapier into her livers as soon as he saw her horns. And she couldn’t waste two more weeks on bypassing Rail - she simply could not stand it and would only lose such precious time.

“Hey, beauty, treat?” - while the elf was again deep in her thoughts, some tipsy man of about forty sat down next to her. Rayla grimaced under the hood at the scent and moved slightly away from him.

“I don’t drink,” - she answered shortly and again began to peer into the hall, hoping to find the necessary pirate with her eyes.

“Hmmm, right to the point, right? How much do you take per hour?”

“W-what?” - she blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what this person wants from her. He grinned, revealing yellow teeth and continued:

“Come on, I see that you need money. And the guys and I will pay well, however, you still have to work” - he bent down close, almost looking under her hood. His broad figure covered her from the hall and hung heavily over her. He wanted to take off the hood, but stopped his hand halfway - he felt something sharp in the abdomen.

“Even. A. Little. Closer.” - Rayla growled through her teeth, poking the man with the blade from under the table. She didn’t fully understand what he wanted from her, but she clearly felt the deepest disgust and anger. Rayla had one main rule - not let anyone touch her, and she was following it clearly now. He puffed but nevertheless moved away and after throwing the last malicious glance, left.

Rayla turned back to the audience. The man left behind a disgusting aftertaste and Rayla was sickened by the whole place. She sat inside for a few more hours, but it was all to no avail. Even the only waitress had already left.

She didn’t want to, seriously didn’t want to be here: the smell of smoke and alcohol made her nauseous, and from greasy glances in her direction she wanted to rip off her skin and tear out the eyes of everyone here. Rayla buried her face in her hands, feeling her hot cheeks and sweaty forehead.

_ Agh, fuck it _

She went outside, eagerly inhaling the fresh night air. The sky was still dark, but Rayla, thanks to the Moonshadow instinct, knew for sure that it was about three hours before dawn. New people in the tavern still obviously did not arrive, only the old ones took turns getting drunk and became even more restrained and bolder.

Rayla turned the corner, but before she could even take a step, she heard a strangled cry. Her long ears twitched slightly under the hood and, without thinking twice, the elf pressed herself against the wall and silently began to creep closer.

She clearly heard someone's whispering and other people's sobs. She didn't like it at once. There were two of them. And the second one definitely needed help.

The closer Rayla got closer, the more she recognized the first voice.

“Come on, come on…”

_ The same guy from the bar... _

She found herself in some very dark alley. Fortunately, the night vision of the Moonshadow helped. She peered into the darkness and saw the larger figure pressing the smaller one against the wall. Rayla approached a little closer and now clearly saw that the man was pinching... the same waitress from the bar.

Rayla had to leave.

She had no disguise, no motivation to stand up for the stranger.

It would be foolish to get involved in a fight, attract too much attention, waste time...

“Please… don’t” - came the quiet broken voice of a girl who froze with fear and was unable not to fight, not to run.

That was all it took for Rayla to go behind him in two silent jumps and run the handle between his shoulder blades. He staggered and recoiled from the girl, and before the man had time to scream, the elf knocked him out with a precise blow of the same handle to the temple. He fell on his back like a sack.

_ It was silent. Good _

The numb waitress slid down the wall. Rayla approached her carefully while keeping her distance so as not to scare her and reveal herself. Now the elf had the opportunity to take a closer look at her: long red hair, large frightened eyes, in the dark of an unknown color, fragile constitution...

_ It also seems my age. He's a son of a bitch... _

“Are you okay?” - Rayla wanted to kick herself in the head. The girl was definitely out of order and did not react in any way to the elf.

She unceremoniously stepped over the unconscious body and squatted down next to her.

“Are you okay?” - She asked again, this time looking into the eyes of that, as it turned out to be brown, and gently touching the shoulder. She immediately shuddered all over and stared in dismay at Rayla.

“It's okay, I won't hurt you” - the elf awkwardly squeezed her shoulder, mentally cursing at herself for such an absurdity.

_ Callum would know what to say... _

Rayla shook her head and smiled awkwardly, trying not to scare the human off.

"I-I'm fine" - she finally answered in a weak voice. It was good that he didn't have time to do anything with her.

“Do you live far away? I spend” - Rayla wouldn’t want something to happen to her new acquaintance on the way. And she’ll be calmer herself.

“The other end of town” - she answered a little louder. The first shock passed, which could not but please the elf. She held out a hand to help her to her feet. Rayla mentally prayed that she wouldn't notice her missing fingers. But the waitress was still shaking and she looked at her attacker with a half-empty gaze.

“And he…?”

“I just knocked him out. And considering that he drank before that, in the morning he will not remember about you” - she nodded and finally looked away, continuing to be silent. Rayla decided to distract her with a conversation.

“What's your name?”

“Anna…”

They continued on their way, talking quietly. Rayla learned from the girl that she was seventeen years old and had been working in that pub for six months. And this was the first week she stayed late because they paid more for the night shift. Anna lived with her mother, and her father was an unlucky sailor and money was often not enough.

“I love my dad, but he sometimes has an addiction to the sea!” - she emotionally threw up her hands - “I still wanted to sail with him, but my mother doesn’t let me” - she finished her short biography with annoyance. There was only one thing Rayla could not understand - is it such a defensive reaction after stress, or are all people with such an open heart ready to tell everything about themselves to the first stranger? But in any case, it was good that Anna recovered from the shock a little and was, it seems, plus or minus in order.

“What about you? What's your name though?” - Anna asked her. Rayla looked away in confusion. She doesn’t want to tell her name - it was unusual for humans and would raise questions. And so it was enough that she appeared out of nowhere and in two blows knocked out a huge bully.

“I…”

“Oh, here we are! Home, sweet home!” - the girl walked merrily towards it, but then abruptly stopped at the door and turned back.

“You... thank you! I was so scared then, and you helped me out!” - She smiled broadly so that even in the darkness Rayla narrowed her eyes, so bright she had a smile.

“You welcome” - the elf smiled back, although she was sure that it would be invisible under the hood. She had already turned to leave, but a fuss was heard in the house and a second later an old acquaintance opened the door.

“Ar, whom I hear! Why are you standing on the doorstep, if not relatives, come in!” -

Rayla stared in shock at the tall red-haired man she had never expected to see here, even though she had been looking for him all day.

“Vilands?!”

**Author's Note:**

> TTM broke my heart, so it is what it is


End file.
